Stolen Diamonds...

...from a Beam of Light...

...?

 Et la chanson la plus triste au monde...à l'époque... 

 ***

Life is a path lit only by the lights of those I've loved

Johnny Cash

***

So there is nothing sibyllin about all of this. For me, the story goes like that :

20 years ago, I woke up because the phone was ringing. I stood up and found out that I had a really bad hang-over, I just felt how my hairs were screwing into my brain. The phone was a kind of insisting, so I walked forward and picked it up.

She was there, just on the other end of the line. The one I had been loving for months, the one who had taken my entire mind and spirit, the one’s parfum who had been haunting me every day and every night, the one, she was there, speaking to me...and she asked how I was doing...I guess...I aswered...I dunno, just hang-over...do you remember what happened last night, she asked...not a clue, I aswered...

Then she told me about a letter I was going to find in the mail box. All those words I would see in it were just vain ink striping an useless paper...signifying nothing...

That was it. She drop the phone. Something tuned in my head. That was it. My life had just stopped. Loosing her was the most tragic event in my life. I just didn’t known about it yet, I was just not able to understand why neither what I've done wrong...

I spent the next four years with the same hang-over, being overfloated by a dark whirlpool which drag me to a darker one...ever more...

Tom Waits’s Martha was the song helping me to build a weird theatre pretending that the sadness wasn’t mine, but just a shadow. Nothing helped me out any way. I staid stucked in time till I finally left the country. Over there at least I was able to start a new life...without thinking at the most tragic...

It took me another 10 years to put together the pieces of the puzzle. It stroke me an afternoon, like a flash, without any apparant reason. I suddenly understood why she hated me so much that she didn’t want to see me anymore...get mad as a Mars Hare...bumped into a friend and told him the all story...back to basics...a one night girl whom I barrely remember the name...get drunk and felt so bad conscience that I had to confess...that was it...the morning after, the phone rang....I had forget about every thing...I was lurred in a trap...She was gone already...for ever...

My friend laughed at the story...so I did...

Still, I din't know what to do with that new part of my former life. So I put this souvenir somewhere, and again, I've forget about it all for another five years.

Then, a couple of weeks ago, I went to the compulsory medical examination we have to take every two years at work. The surgeon asked me how I was feeling. Much better that 20 years ago, I said out of the blue. Good, she said. In 10 years I will even feel better, I said. Really good, she said.

While walking back to my office and enjoying the indian summer, I tried to remember what was so bad 20 years ago...just a never ending dark sadness. Back to  my computer, I googled her name...and her picture pumped out.

As soon as I saw her, it just stroke me that since that fatal morning, all my behaviors, all my will or however you name it, had just one purpose...to forget this tragic morning.  And it worked out pretty well. My life was good and I was intimly convieced that it was still improving. But a dark zone remainded : the memory of her had diseapered...so it looked it had.

Las, she is now right here, on the screen of my computer, a beam of light coming throught the darkness of time. I am thinking of her again...but the sadness is gone...remains just the light...

...the love we shared.

And this will live in me for ever...

***

...Stolen Diamonds.

*** 

Mon pote O. : Si jamais elle tombe sur ton post...elle ou son mari...

Moi : Ca risque de semer un peu la pagaille...

Mon pote O. : En plus tu n'es pas vraiment sur que...

Moi : Pas vraiment...

Mon pote O. : Alors ?

Moi : Ah des inconnues, c'est pourtant pas ce qui manque...

 ***

 ***

...aujourd'hui, l'illusion de la tristesse de la séparation s 'étant enfin évanouie, il ne reste que les souvenirs du bonheur partagé...

Daniel Johnston- Honey i sure miss you

***

Première mise en ligne 1. 11. 2010

Dernière mise à jour : le 19. 8. 2018